Coaching from the Inside Out

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2010-04-30T11:06:00.001-07:00

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The Healthy Brain: The Wisdom of Stress

2010-04-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

As knowledge workers in the 21st century, our success depends on having a healthy, functioning brain. What can leading neuroscientists teach us about stress, effective coping skills and peak performance in the workplace?

While you cannot completely eliminate stress, you can make it work for you to improve your brain's ability to function. Your choices - and how you respond to stress - can make you smarter, stronger and wiser.

Read the full newsletter

He Thinks, She Thinks: Our Brains Are Different

2010-03-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

Anyone with workplace experience knows men and women process information and communicate differently. Dealing with gender differences can prove challenging, especially for managers and leaders. Regardless of which industry you're in or the position you fill, male and female coworkers can experience a shared event and come away with different emotional stories.

We seem to be hardwired this way. Now that neuroscience is becoming more sophisticated, with tools like brain imaging, what are we learning about the gender divide?

Click here to read the key findings

How to manage your stress level during these stressful times

2009-11-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

I beleive stress is nothing more than a self-trained response we have developed in dealing with problems and uncomfortable situations. Getting rid of stress can be quick and easy, but only if we allow ourselves to change the response. Changing a behavior or trained response, however, is very difficult for most of us.

Stress is learned. We learn it from our environment and from other people in our lives. However, we must accept the fact that we give it to ourselves. We allow it into our lives. But if we allow it in, we can likewise let it go out.
To eliminate stress before it creates an illness is difficult for most of us because it involves change. Even though we can feel the effects of stress in our body, our mind does not seek ways of eliminating stress. The trained response of feeling stress has become normal to the body.
Sensing stress, we might decide to take a vacation or do some relaxing activity to calm the stress, but we don't change the cause. The body uses illness to warn us that there is unchecked stress, but our awareness is usually of the illness, not of the underlying stress, its cause, and so we treat the illness and not the stress itself.

There are many causes of stress. We can trace the majority of their stress to problems with money, love, or sex. Why? Because we become so attached to life style rather than to life itself!

How to identify your stress – response pattern:
• .Pay attention to our attention: Do you have difficulty maintaining the focus and energy applied to your personal and professional life?
• .Pay attention to your mood, and to your stamina.
• .Listen to your body. Do you experience headaches,
.back pain, dizziness?
When you have learned to recognize your stress level is getting too high, you can take steps to control it before it takes control of you.
Here are steps to help you keep stress in check:
• .Get enough sleep

• .Exercise
• .Eat a balanced diet containing plenty of food and vegetables
• .Avoid negative expectations
You deserve more in your life, and you can start going for it today! I have a few spots available for December coaching.
Call me right now.
Warmly,

Moty Koppes, M.A., PCC

Personal / Professional Development Coach
949-721-5732

Work-Life Balance: How to Restore Harmony and Reduce Stress in Your Life!

2009-10-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

For most people, juggling the demands of career and personal life is an ongoing challenge. With so many demands on your time - from overtime to family obligations - it can feel difficult to strike this balance. The goal is to make time for the activities that are the most important to you.

Here are some tips to help you find the balance that's best for you:

• Keep a log. Track everything you do for one week. Decide what is necessary and what satisfies you the most. Delegate activities you don't enjoy and dont' have time for. Prioritize what matters to you.
• Find out what you can do without. Go through your day, your relationships, your work and your life. What is draining your energy? What are you doing that does not need to be done?
• Eliminate what you are tolerating in your life. Tolerations are those things that we put up with, that we accept and take on, and that drag us down. This includes other people's behavior, difficult situations, unmet needs, crossed boundaries, unresolved issues and frustration.
• Learn to say no. When you quit doing the things you only do out of obligation or guilt, you will make more room in your.life for the activities that are meaningful to you and bring you.joy.
• Ask for what you want. You need to be very clear about what you want. You need to know it, live it, breathe it, expect.it and ask for it.
• Seek professional help. If your life feels too chaotic to manage and you are spinning your wheels worrying about it, talk with a professional.

I help clients work out solutions according to individual values and lifestyles.
I have a few spots available for October coaching. Call me right now: 949-721-5732, or you can email me at MotyKoppes@cox.net

You deserve more in your life, and you can start going for it today!
Warmly,

Moty Koppes, M.A., PCC

Correcting the Ways We Twist Our Thoughts Can Lead to Better Overall Emotional Health

2009-08-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

Thinking about things in a realistic way allows us to make better decisions and to take action more effectively. Attuning ourselves to reality can bring out the best in us and can enhance the quality of our relationships. When we base our thinking on the reality of a situation, our emotions can correspond appropriately to the situation and can be expressed approprately as well.

When our thoughts become distored, falling away from their grounding in reality, it often becomes difficult to find the best course of action to take when making decisions. We cling to distored thoughts, we limit our options and our decisions often lack a basis in reality. This can lead us to feel helpless, anxious, and hopeless when trying to deal with real-world issues. We may find ourselves falling into the same bad situation repeatedly, never really learning from the lessons of the past.

Let’s look at a number of ways in which we may engage in distorted thinking.

- All-or-Nothing Thinking - This type of thinking makes things seem more predictable and give us some feeling of control over potenially chaotic situactions.

- Overgeneralization - You base a conclusion on a single negative event and think that this is the way things will always be in your life.

- Mental Filtering - This happens when you focus exclusively on a single negative event and then preceive the entire situation as negative.

- "Should" Statements - We use "should", "must", and "ought" when we punish ourselves before we can be expected to do anything correctly. These statements set us up for feeling pressured and resentful, and they work against accepting others or getting to know ourselves as we really are.
We seldom question how we think. Our thinking is an integral part of our daily experience. It may never occur to us that our feelings, our moods, and the way we deal with situations, and how we handle our relationships are very dependent on the clarity of our thinking. Many people use coaching as a way of exploring ways in which to think more clearly about things.

I help clients work out solutions according to individual values and lifestyles.

I have a few spots still available for August coaching. Call me right now: 949-721-5732

Or you can email me at MotyKoppes@cox.net. You deserve more in your life, and you can start going for it today!

Warmly,

Moty Koppes, M.A., PCC
Personal/Professional Development Coach

"Some people make victims of their disadvantage, while others are victimized by their disadvantages."

Making Your Relationship Work

2009-07-09T09:36:00.001-07:00

A hallmark of success in one’s life may be the ability to sustain a long-term relationship. People in lasting relationships tend to live longer and stay healthier, and they report that they experience more happiness in life.

Maybe the most important aspect of living within a successful permanent relationship is that a person not only feels loved, but is also able to share love with somebody else. Sharing life with a loving partner allows us to experience trust, nurturance, and a feeling of belonging.

Our society today seems to lack the structural supports that in the past made staying in a permanent relationship easier. The divorce rate has never been higher than it has been for the past couple of decades. We no longer live in a world of the immediate community composed of people with whom we have daily contact... and these are the people who usually had strong social expectations that a couple would stay together for all time.

Let’s look at few helpful techniques used by many couples who have managed to attain successful long term relationships.

Keep things happy: Share your humor and lightheartedness with your partner. One of the healthiest things, physically and emotionally, any of us can do is to laugh, and to laugh often.

Keep things polite: One of the first signs that the relationship may be in trouble occurs when the partners show a lack of respect for each other. Successful relationships focus on reducing negativity, and this can include criticisms, mockery, name-calling, yelling, insults and other demeaning behaviors.

Don’t expect your partner to fill up the holes in your life: You are responsible for your own life. A relationship in trouble is often characterized by complaints from one party that the other is not caring enough, doesn’t show enough love, isn’t strong enough, isn’t responsible enough, and so on. When we feel deficient in some aspect of our own lives, we may put pressure on our partner to be different somehow. However, it is far more productive to look internally at our own issues, to come alive with life’s challenges, and to gain a sense of our own competence and empowerment, rather than to look to our partner to “Save us".

Partners in a stable relationship are able to differentiate between the issues that truly need to be worked on and those that should be accepted and tolerated. The real secret to success in a long-term relationship is not so much in find the right partner, but in being one.

A successful relationship takes a lot of work, insight and commitment—and if it works over the long haul the rewards are priceless.

I have a few spots still available for July coaching. Call me right now: 949-721-5732

Or you can email me at MotyKoppes@cox.net. You deserve more in your life, and you can start going for it today!

Warmly,

Moty Koppes, M.A., PCC
Personal/Professional Development Coach

"Never limit yourself because of others' limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination."

Setting better boundaries builds stronger relationships

2009-06-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

A successful relationship is composed of two individuals each with a clearly defined sense of her or his own identity. Without our own understanding of self, of whom we are and what makes us unique, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that functions smoothly and enhances each individual. We need a sense of self in order to clearly communicate our needs, and desires to others. When we have a good sense of our own identity we can appreciate and love those qualities in others that make them a unique person.

One feature of a healthy sense of self is the way we understand and work with boundaries. Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships that allow us to protect ourselves. Boundaries come from have a good sense of our own self-worth. They make it possible for us to separate our own thoughts and feelings from those of others and to take responsibility for what we think, feel and do.

Boundaries are flexible - they allow us to get close to others when it is appropriate and to maintain our distance when we might be harmed by getting too close. Good boundaries protect us from hurt and pave the way to achieving true intimacy.

In sum, they help us take care of ourselves.

What are Unhealthy boundaries in Relationships?

- Feeling incomplete without our partner
- Relying on your partner for your happiness
- Inability to establish and maintain friendships with others
- Focus on the worst qualities of the others
- Feeling unable to express what is wanted

What are Healthy boundaries in Relationship?

- Feeling like you are your own person.
- Feeling responsible for our own happiness.
- Open, honest and assertive communication.
- Respecting the differences in others
- Accepting changes in the relationship
- Asking honestly for what is wanted.

Learning to have healthy boundaries is an exciting adventure, and an exercise in personal liberation. It means coming to know ourselves and increasing our awareness of what we stand for. It also means self-acceptance and knowing that we are OK as we are and worthy of the good things in life.

While the above information is effective for many, it may help others to get help from a Personal and Professional Development Coach like myself in order to help you in creating solid boundaries and to make you accountable and move you forward in your life.

GET THE LOVE AND HAPPINESS YOU DESERVE!

The Essentials of Self-Esteem

2009-05-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

The way the world treats us is greatly influenced by the way we see ourselves.

When our feelings about ourselves are positive, we show others that we like and value ourselves – and then others tend to treat us well. But when we have negative feelings about ourselves, we are too critical, complaining and pessimistic; others tend to take this attitude towards us as well. How we treat ourselves helps determine how others will likely treat us.

The thoughts we have about ourselves, and how we define ourselves, contribute to our self-image. The feelings we have about these thoughts, whether these feeling are good or bad, are the building blocks of our self-esteem.

Many of us are wounded, in one way or another; by the way we were treated as we grew up. As adults it becomes our responsibility to put closure on the damage inflicted on us by others and to move on with our lives in a healthy way.

We have the ability to change our negative self-esteem tendencies and to replace them with self-nurturing, self-encouraging, and self-enhancing behavior. When we begin to treat ourselves in a positive way, others pick up on our cues and respond to us in the special way we all deserve.

Techniques for creating positive self-esteem

1. Examine your unrealistic expectations
2. Accept the fact that history cannot be changed
3. Reflect on the good experiences in your life
4. Set positive goals for the future

As a personal and professional development coach, I help my clients to achieve a more satisfying and productive relationship with themselves and others.

Seeking help is a sign of courage and willingness to deal with life’s many changes. I can help you.

Warmly,

Moty Koppes, M.A., PCC
Personal/Professional Development Coach

"Never limit yourself because of others' limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination."

Who's in Charge?

2008-10-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

These days everybody seems stressed out. Just listen, and you will hear discussions on how stress affects people as they try to move through their lives. People complain about stress, joke about it, use it as an excuse for their mistakes, and most of all, they worry about what it is doing to them, both physically and emotionally.

In my opinion joy in living does not come from managing our stress or misery. It comes from a rekindling of our spirit - rediscovering a passion for living, loving and working. More importantly, I believe that only those who realize that they, and not the events in their lives, have the power can actually take charge of themselves and therefore, rekindle their spirits. It does not matter whether they define the source of that power in religious or psychological or emotional terms. They have to see that the power in them.
I believe we must look at what we are bringing to life, and not just what life is offering us. We must examine what our beliefs are and how they translate our daily lives.
We must challenge everything we believe - not necessarily change it - but challenge it. everything worth believing is worth challenging, if we just change our behaviors and not our thinking processes and beliefs, the new behaviors probably will not last.
as Socrates said, " The life unexamined is not worth living."
Unfortunately, many of us do not examine life in the way he meant. We just bitch about it.
If you are in a bad place, get help.Find a good coach. Please do not deal with your trouble alone.

Coaching from Inside out

2007-10-18T14:31:00.001-07:00

When coaching clients want to make some life changes, they are more apt to respond to questions and conversations about purpose, calling or meaning.

I have found that much of my coaching soon gets into a life purpose discussion. And that clients who get more clarity about their purpose and unique calling, then make decisions and choices that fit with that new understanding.

As a rule, people are taught how to examine their own lives through the lens of fulfillment.

I ask my clients to probe deeply into their lives – their values, priorities, goals and obstacles to fulfillment.

What is life purpose?

Pat Williams, author of "Becoming a Professional Life Coach", says each of us looks for fulfillment and authentic happiness in our own way. Sometimes the yearning for fulfillment becomes a call so loud and so intense at midlife that we cannot help but step off the path we are on and devote ourselves to the search for fulfillment. As many midlife questions discover, fulfillment often means returning to deep sources of satisfaction that we may have had glimpses of many years ago. At that earlier time, we may have lacked the courage to follow the call, or we may have allowed life stress and serious pursuits to cover up the glimmer of what we know to be true.

This pattern takes place in the lives of so many people because each of us has a life purpose that has, we believe, been with us since we were very young. At moments when we experienced a profound sense of being in the flow – being in the right place, at the right time, using our gifts – we are likely to be living out our life purpose. Life purpose calls us forth. It may be a calling we answer, something larger than our small selves, that deeply connect us with others, with is larger than ourselves.

Many people in the United States and throughout the industrialized nations misguidedly believe that the only way to have what we want is to work hard and long.

There is an alternative: BE who you are first. When you focus on being first, this let you DO what you want to do, which lets you Have what you need. We need to allow ourselves to BE first; the rest will follow. Discovering our life purpose focuses our attention on the essence of who we are – our Be – ing. As some wise person said, if we are designed to be human do-ings, we would have been called that.